Posts Tagged Relationships

Guide to Step-parenting & Blended Families – How to Bond with Stepchildren & Deal with Step family Issues

Guide to Step-parenting & Blended Families – How to Bond with Stepchildren & Deal with Step family Issues 

Step-parenting
When families “blend” to create step families, things rarely progress smoothly. Some children may resist changes, while parents can become frustrated when the new family doesn’t function like their previous family. While changes to family structure require adjustment time for everyone involved, these guidelines can help blended families work out their growing pains and live together successfully.

Success for a Blended Families
You and your partner have decided to make a life together and form a new, blended family that includes children from one or both of your previous relationships. Congratulations. What lies ahead can be both a rewarding and a challenging experience. It can take a long time for a blended family to begin to feel comfortable and function well together.

While you as parents are likely to approach remarriage and a new blended family with great joy and expectation, your kids or your new spouse’s kids may not be nearly as excited. They’ll likely feel uncertain about the upcoming changes and how they will affect relationships with their natural parents. They’ll also be worried about living with new step siblings, whom they may not know well, or worse, ones they may not even like. To give yourself the best chance of success, it’s important to start planning how a blended family will function before the marriage even takes place.

Laying the foundations for a blended family
Having survived a painful divorce or separation and then managed to find a new loving relationship, the temptation can often be to rush into remarriage and a blended family without first laying solid foundations. By taking your time, you give everyone a chance to get used to each other, and used to the idea of marriage.

Too many changes at once can unsettle children. 
Blended families have the highest success rate if the couple waits two years or more after a divorce to remarry, instead of piling one drastic family change onto another.

Don’t expect to fall in love with your partner’s children overnight. 
Get to know them. Love and affection take time to develop.

Find ways to experience “real life” together. 
Taking both sets of kids to a theme park every time you get together is a lot of fun, but it isn’t reflective of everyday life. Try to get the kids used to your partner and his or her children in daily life situations.

Make parenting changes before you marry. 
Agree with your new partner how you intend to parent together, and then make any necessary adjustments to your parenting styles before you remarry. It’ll make for a smoother transition and your kids won’t become angry at your new spouse for initiating changes.

Don’t allow ultimatums. 
Your kids or new partner may put you in a situation where you feel you have to choose between them. Remind them that you want both sets of people in your life.

Insist on respect. 
You can’t insist people like each other but you can insist that they treat one another with respect.

Limit your expectations.
You may give a lot of time, energy, love, and affection to your new partner’s kids that will not be returned immediately. Think of it as making small investments that may one day yield a lot of interest.

Given the right support, kids should gradually adjust to the prospect of marriage and being part of a new family. It is your job to communicate openly, meet their needs for security, and give them plenty of time to make a successful transition.

Authors: Gina Kemp, M.A., Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., and Lawrence Robinson. Helpguide.org

Have questions? Connect with us on https://www.facebook.com/miKinApp or direct here through the comments section…

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Shift In Perspective + Gratitude = Happiness

Butterfly EffectI say to my kids when they are struggling to get over something…go to the hardware store, buy timber, build a bridge and get over it!! Easy right? We expect our kids to ‘get over it’ and deal with their issues quickly though I continually hear stories of ex’s just not able to move past their previous relationship and yet are in another relationship…WHAT THE??

It is imperative when moving on from a previous partner to another that you MOVE FORWARD. Moving forward is not holding onto your past or hosting a series of grudges toward an ex partner. Perspective is a wonderful word and it’s up to you how you look upon your life and it’s up to you on the story you create from your experiences thus far. You can choose to look back with regret, anger and hatred or you can look back with gratitude that he/she came into your life and with that possibly you had children or even just some fun times and certainly at some level would have experienced love.

Let’s face it, it’s not often we enter into a relationship without some sense of feeling warmth toward the other person (hopefully love),  as the saying suggests, best to have loved and lost than not loved at all…it’s just how you look at it – perspective!

Ask yourself, can you possibly have a fulfilling next relationship if you have unresolved feelings toward your previous relationship/s? What can you do to resolve your issues and alter your perspective? The answer;  gratitude. It is impossible to not feel even just a little bit better when we are grateful – that is a human absolute. There really is no greater wisdom in understanding that no matter the situation there is always something to be grateful for.

If you understand the butterfly effect, you will know that one flap of a butterfly’s wing can alter and impact the life of someone and then their actions impact the life of someone else and so on, the initial action could affect generations to come (children do as you do and not as you say)…just as the ripple in a pond on one side of the world could create massive waves on the other.

When exiting a relationship, do what you can to have peace by looking for what it is you can be grateful for, this in turn will create a sense of happiness which impacts well-being.

Perspective is merely the story you tell yourself, alter your perspective by looking for gratitude and that will alter your story.

One must never carry left over negativity into our next relationship…honestly ask yourself how do you see that relationship thriving when you carry such a  burden??

Be Extraordinary 🙂

Kara

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The issue is not finding a partner, the issue is sorting through the possibilities…!

As we get older, some may think that the pool is shrinking and potential partners are getting lesser and lesser, this is scarcity at its best.  The thing this planet has is plenty of people….thus, there is no scarcity of potential partners.  The challenge is not in finding one the challenge is sorting, and how fast can you sort through the possibilities.

It is imperative that you know what you want, be clear on your dating purpose, know what your dealbreakers are (stick to them) and be upfront about it ALL!

If you can have these conversations, this is an abundant way of being! This can be uncomfortable to begin with, though not as uncomfortable as having to end things…

Once you really know what you want and start having these conversations early and I mean early IE in your ‘about me’ section on a dating site and/or the first phone call though definitely the first ‘date’…do this and  the faster you will sort!  Personally speaking I was really ‘ok’ about being me and being solo – life was sweet and so I knew that if I were to add someone to the equation then it had to be someone who would value add and vice versa! I was very clear about what I could bring and knew what I wanted, I was clear on my dealbreakers and so he would decide very quickly if he could handle my heat (so to speak)…my partner today will tell you he felt like he was being interrogated, though he loved my willingness to be honest – this was refreshing!

When you create the space and be clear about who you are, what you want and where you are going – it gives the other party permission to be clear and open. It may not be you they end up with, though what you have created is the space for the other party to perhaps date more honestly in the future.

And…as a result we could have more people dating authentically which could possibly lead to longer lasting fulfilling relationships!

How nice! 🙂

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Mr Right or Mr Almost Right?

I am always reminded that there are always two sides to a story, yours and his …. then somewhere in the middle is the truth.

My question to someone uncertain if they are in the right relationship for them  is; when you are thinking about your future that you have full power to create, do you see them in it? And…my next question is, when you really sit down and think about how you want to feel when you are married/committed some day… share with me what that feels like and do you feel like this when you are with him?

The past is best left there, in the past all you have is NOW and your power to create the future….so consider the questions I have asked you above, know that there are millions of potential possibilities out there for you…get clear on what it is you want from a partner and relationship and then go for it. If they do not fit your picture, then let them go so they too can fulfill their own picture. With a clear picture you will attract the person that is right for you.

Always BE genuine, honest and open. If you maintain this, it will keep you on track.

Kara 🙂

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Inspiration

Be INspired…..Provide INspiration
Gain Certainty and Clarity In Ones LIFE
Create Your Dream Lifestyle

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Introduction to Live with Purpose!

Welcome to my first post…as I sit here I wonder where do I start, so I think its best to begin with who am I…

My name is Kara and I have a vision…everyone can be living inside a relationship with a partner understanding and supporting eachother to live their dreams. This is possible.

Inspired by my own experience of separation after 8 years and 2 children, I had never set an intention to end up as a single parent though I had not actually set an intention otherwise…being that we were not married.

Making a decision to empower myself and move forward on my own I sought to seek answers to what had led me down the path of separated with children.  Over the next few years I chose to remain single to breakdown my relationship into pieces and get a real knowing of what it was that failed, through alot of reading and self education I made some incredible discoveries about the differences between men and women inside relationships and whilst on the dating scene, not to mention…what it means to be on purpose!

For more on Kara – please click on ‘About the Author’ TAB…thank you!

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ultimatemindsettoday

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ultimatemindsettoday

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James Michael Sama

Relationship Coach | Relationship Consultant | Confidence Coach

leavin' the big smoke

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