Posts Tagged Personal development

To Blog OR Not To Blog…Confessions of an Over-Thinker!!

I was jumping out of my skin when it was announced on the first visionary call of the year with our company that the Alchemy Program had been formed. I couldn’t wait to share with our business associates my excitement in an overview email, I registered immediately for The Alchemy Apprenticeship and could see myself clearly winning the blog writing competition and being flown over to Colorado to hang out with our company’s founders prior to the next event.

Yet…it’s been almost a month and I have not submitted a blog entry. There is not a day that goes by that I am not thinking about it and writing down topic ideas. Then I spend a moment beating myself up about it. So, what’s stopping me…?

Lack of Commitment…nahhhh!

Lack of Passion….NO!

Procrastination…warm

Fear…warmer

Failure…warmest

Comparing myself to others…HOT!!

The fear of failure by comparison paralyses me. I don’t believe I have ever said it like that before.

My fear of failure makes for a great quality as an event manager as I triple cross check everything and generally speaking nothing goes wrong as I account for every possible scenario, my goal is to always put on the best event anyone has experienced.  However, that said, in our business with PG and personal life – I am my own stopper.

How am I my own stopper? I am forever comparing myself to others – unfairly, I compare myself to the person at the gym who is the strongest and fastest, I compare myself to the leaders here at PG, wondering am I worthy to be a leader and stand among them. Simon was growing his business with PG when I met him and upon my decision to join him I find myself comparing my ability with his ability to talk with prospects on the phone and his boldness to step out on most calls and just rattle off something clever and inspiring – could I do this that well??…By my own comparison, I always come off second best by my own opinion, and so I remain as I am…believing I am not quite good enough.

What’s my game plan…? I will begin by owning it, owning my quality and turn it around to use it for the greater good. That’s tough, it’s tough because it’s how I reason with myself for not doing or not participating in something. By identifying with my fear of failure, I will be able to monitor my decision making process and call myself on it and now have you guys too call me on it. The beautiful element of this leadership community is having others hold you to a higher standard.

The funny thing is by succumbing to my fear of failure, I am choosing to not participate and thus I am not choosing in…and this results in failure ANYWAY!!! Lose/Lose.

The words I live by are ‘To Lead By Example’ and yet I can feel like a fraud at times.  So, I choose in. I choose to blog and will move to grow beyond my ‘fear of failure by comparison’. I am after all the supreme authority of my own life.

This morning’s call with Helen, Anna and Rachel inspired me, I can’t quite put my finger on it though there in lies just one reason to always (no matter what) PLUG IN to the training calls.

To be continued…

Kara 

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Shift In Perspective + Gratitude = Happiness

Butterfly EffectI say to my kids when they are struggling to get over something…go to the hardware store, buy timber, build a bridge and get over it!! Easy right? We expect our kids to ‘get over it’ and deal with their issues quickly though I continually hear stories of ex’s just not able to move past their previous relationship and yet are in another relationship…WHAT THE??

It is imperative when moving on from a previous partner to another that you MOVE FORWARD. Moving forward is not holding onto your past or hosting a series of grudges toward an ex partner. Perspective is a wonderful word and it’s up to you how you look upon your life and it’s up to you on the story you create from your experiences thus far. You can choose to look back with regret, anger and hatred or you can look back with gratitude that he/she came into your life and with that possibly you had children or even just some fun times and certainly at some level would have experienced love.

Let’s face it, it’s not often we enter into a relationship without some sense of feeling warmth toward the other person (hopefully love),  as the saying suggests, best to have loved and lost than not loved at all…it’s just how you look at it – perspective!

Ask yourself, can you possibly have a fulfilling next relationship if you have unresolved feelings toward your previous relationship/s? What can you do to resolve your issues and alter your perspective? The answer;  gratitude. It is impossible to not feel even just a little bit better when we are grateful – that is a human absolute. There really is no greater wisdom in understanding that no matter the situation there is always something to be grateful for.

If you understand the butterfly effect, you will know that one flap of a butterfly’s wing can alter and impact the life of someone and then their actions impact the life of someone else and so on, the initial action could affect generations to come (children do as you do and not as you say)…just as the ripple in a pond on one side of the world could create massive waves on the other.

When exiting a relationship, do what you can to have peace by looking for what it is you can be grateful for, this in turn will create a sense of happiness which impacts well-being.

Perspective is merely the story you tell yourself, alter your perspective by looking for gratitude and that will alter your story.

One must never carry left over negativity into our next relationship…honestly ask yourself how do you see that relationship thriving when you carry such a  burden??

Be Extraordinary 🙂

Kara

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Needs, Values and Cheating!

Scenario posted on Facebook today – “I cheated on my wife! It was just a way out to get out of the mundane life we’d created. I love her, but I don’t love the life we’ve had. I want to ‘start again’, but she’s too bruised to even think about being with me. How can I make her understand it from my side?”

Others responses included alot of finger pointing, judgement and harsh comments…

My Response…

First we must appreciate that people go against their values to fill their needs. This is not about trust, wedding vows, broken promises nor ‘cheating’…whatever that is exactly. This is about a person not having their needs met and most likely in this scenario both parties are not having their needs met. As human beings we operate from 6 basic needs first and foremost…then on top of that we have our values, based on our rules we have set for ourselves which is based on our environment, core beliefs of self etc then not to mention our hierarchy of needs. Which without any of our needs being met, we seek it out in order to meet it. So if he was lacking connection/love as a need and even though as a value he is committed to his wife, his need comes first…so then say he’s out, gets a little ongoing attention from a lady (maybe he doesn’t get at home anymore) and ‘BAM’ he goes into fill my need mode…Does he feel good about it? Hell NO, he has gone against his values which are made up of his rules….a constant battle, though his human need has been fulfilled (for now). Now, I am not suggesting this is his way to cop out, though as people we are completely responsible for the choices we make, both parties are responsible for the way they BE in each others company…be it mundane…maybe and quite possibly she has filled any of her unmet needs another way – we don’t get to hear that side. In an ideal world, we are all enlightened and needs do not exist…though we are human and this is a looooong way off.  I am in no way suggesting this is easy though we must appreciate that there are always two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth! Don’t be so quick to judge – judgement comes from your own rules which make up your own values…As Nicole suggests he must find peace so he can operate from love….see what happens!! Maybe this is the wake up call their mundane life needed!!!

Your thoughts??

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The issue is not finding a partner, the issue is sorting through the possibilities…!

As we get older, some may think that the pool is shrinking and potential partners are getting lesser and lesser, this is scarcity at its best.  The thing this planet has is plenty of people….thus, there is no scarcity of potential partners.  The challenge is not in finding one the challenge is sorting, and how fast can you sort through the possibilities.

It is imperative that you know what you want, be clear on your dating purpose, know what your dealbreakers are (stick to them) and be upfront about it ALL!

If you can have these conversations, this is an abundant way of being! This can be uncomfortable to begin with, though not as uncomfortable as having to end things…

Once you really know what you want and start having these conversations early and I mean early IE in your ‘about me’ section on a dating site and/or the first phone call though definitely the first ‘date’…do this and  the faster you will sort!  Personally speaking I was really ‘ok’ about being me and being solo – life was sweet and so I knew that if I were to add someone to the equation then it had to be someone who would value add and vice versa! I was very clear about what I could bring and knew what I wanted, I was clear on my dealbreakers and so he would decide very quickly if he could handle my heat (so to speak)…my partner today will tell you he felt like he was being interrogated, though he loved my willingness to be honest – this was refreshing!

When you create the space and be clear about who you are, what you want and where you are going – it gives the other party permission to be clear and open. It may not be you they end up with, though what you have created is the space for the other party to perhaps date more honestly in the future.

And…as a result we could have more people dating authentically which could possibly lead to longer lasting fulfilling relationships!

How nice! 🙂

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Departure from the HERD as you know it..AND pave your own path!

Paving your own path for human beings is so damn hard as we are use to functioning as a group. All of our basic animal survival instincts lead us to believe that following the pack is the best thing to do. Throw into the mix years and years of conditioning from leaders, spiritual teachers and low and behold the education system – it is quite astonishing today that anyone actually thinks for themselves.

Still; we have successful people, you know the ones that STAND OUT (sometimes referred to as the ‘black sheep’ – where you?) – clearly these people got there alone, without the need to be surrounded by the group.

Whether you are going for  a high achievement of any sort, this could include financial, relationship fulfillment,  education, sporting or even to develop a high spiritual awareness – chances are we will have to BE different to who we have been previously. This may mean being somewhat counter intuitive and certainly will mean doing things in the non conventional way and somewhat defying the so called ‘wisdom’ of our peers. Some call it – Going against the ‘norm’…

The most challenging part of your journey will be the beginning, you will soon realise you are being different and unique (so will others). And all the ‘norms’ out there question you, look at you funny, may judge you and they will certainly challenge your decisions and actions. The new you may not be in line with who they know you to be and their expectation of you may not then be met. Values shift – e.g. you meet a person you want to have a relationship with after being ‘single’ for years, you may find your friend group not necessarily understanding why all of a sudden your priorities have shifted, their expectations of you are one way and you show up another way…OR maybe you have decided to drop your highly paid career and travel the world, your peers will struggle with this ‘obscure’ behaviour. You can help them adapt to the new you… 🙂

It is here and now why it is imperative to seek out role models; they may be in the form of a coach, mentor or new peers — this will naturally occur as you stretch yourself. There is a philosophy I love, like attracts like, it’s simple though profound if you really think about it. So consider who it is you want to be like?  We become like the people we spend our time with. Whether you desire to build a great business, go it alone in any way shape or form –  be prepared for your closest friends to not share in your enthusiasm, especially if they are very much engrained in the ‘norm’.

Dont be alarmed though as this does not mean you will loose all of your friends – you may loose some, this does then create a space – (called The Law of Displacement ) for new friends to come in, friends more like the ‘new ‘ you. Evolving does mean you see things from a different perspective, it is easier and clearer for you when you are surrounded by peers moving forward in a similar direction, it is great to seek out those further down the path from you, as they tend to keep you going with forward movement, keeping always one step ahead of the herd.

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An Ode to CAN!

There’s a four lettered word
As offensive as any
It holds back the few
Puts a stop to the many.

You can’t climb that mountain
You can’t cross the sea
You can’t become anything you want to be.

He can’t hit a century
They can’t find a cure.
She can’t think about leaving
or searching for more.

Because can’t is a word with a habit of stopping
The ebb and flow of ideas
It keeps dropping itself where we know
in our hearts it’s not needed
And saying “don’t go”
when we could have succeeded.

But those four little letters
That end with a T
They can change in an instant
When shortened to three.

We can take off the T
We can do it today
We can move forward not back
We can find our own way.

We can build we can run
We can follow the sun
We can push we can pull
We can say I’m someone
Who refuses to believe
That life can’t be better
With the removal of one
Insignificant letter.

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What is REALITY?

In philosophy, reality is the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined…

Is reality a concept that is created by society? If so then who in society and at what point in time have they determined reality? Seeing as we are ever evolving surely this means they are ever evolving the concept of reality that we live by?

What if it were true that each member of the human race created their own reality and that each person is responsible for the reality of their lives and that no on reality is like another?

So if this is true then can there be just on reality set by society? We all hear people say things like…”the reality is” or “realistically speaking”…this would suggest to me that there is one reality out there where perhaps my thoughts and actions wouldn’t fit into..So who is it that determines this one reality?

It is true for me that I can create my own reality based on the results of my ongoing thoughts and actions which are a direct result of my ongoing thoughts and actions which are a result of my own belief systems, rules and values…so is it possible for someone to have the exact same belief systems, rules and values as myself in the exact same order? Yes it’s possible…unlikely…So is it possible for any one other person to have the exact reality as myself…unlikely! If this is true, then why do we insist on pushing our reality onto others by using statements like “the reality is” or “realistically speaking”??

Solution… 🙂

Take ownership by simply adding to the statements the word ‘my’ into the sentence…ie my reality is…

Own your own reality and allow others to own and create theirs…

You are at the end of the day – the Master of Your Own Destiny!!

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Wealth Beyond Freedom

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Do you want the cheese and yet you are sceptical of a possible trap?

Are you ready prepared to do what it takes to get the cheese or do you live in fear of a possible trap?

Sometimes it can be very uncomfortable to go for the cheese as you may have preconceived ideas, what does all this mean…BE Open to possibilities, look beyond what your sceptic mind permits you to see…

Look to be victorious and take responsibilty not a victim of circumstance.

Become stronger from adversity and GET the cheese!!

The ‘cheese’ being an analogy for absolutely anything you want more of in your life…

Enjoy!

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ultimatemindsettoday

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ultimatemindsettoday

A great WordPress.com site

James Michael Sama

Relationship Coach | Relationship Consultant | Confidence Coach

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