Posts Tagged mentoring

Needs, Values and Cheating!

Scenario posted on Facebook today – “I cheated on my wife! It was just a way out to get out of the mundane life we’d created. I love her, but I don’t love the life we’ve had. I want to ‘start again’, but she’s too bruised to even think about being with me. How can I make her understand it from my side?”

Others responses included alot of finger pointing, judgement and harsh comments…

My Response…

First we must appreciate that people go against their values to fill their needs. This is not about trust, wedding vows, broken promises nor ‘cheating’…whatever that is exactly. This is about a person not having their needs met and most likely in this scenario both parties are not having their needs met. As human beings we operate from 6 basic needs first and foremost…then on top of that we have our values, based on our rules we have set for ourselves which is based on our environment, core beliefs of self etc then not to mention our hierarchy of needs. Which without any of our needs being met, we seek it out in order to meet it. So if he was lacking connection/love as a need and even though as a value he is committed to his wife, his need comes first…so then say he’s out, gets a little ongoing attention from a lady (maybe he doesn’t get at home anymore) and ‘BAM’ he goes into fill my need mode…Does he feel good about it? Hell NO, he has gone against his values which are made up of his rules….a constant battle, though his human need has been fulfilled (for now). Now, I am not suggesting this is his way to cop out, though as people we are completely responsible for the choices we make, both parties are responsible for the way they BE in each others company…be it mundane…maybe and quite possibly she has filled any of her unmet needs another way – we don’t get to hear that side. In an ideal world, we are all enlightened and needs do not exist…though we are human and this is a looooong way off.  I am in no way suggesting this is easy though we must appreciate that there are always two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth! Don’t be so quick to judge – judgement comes from your own rules which make up your own values…As Nicole suggests he must find peace so he can operate from love….see what happens!! Maybe this is the wake up call their mundane life needed!!!

Your thoughts??

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An Ode to CAN!

There’s a four lettered word
As offensive as any
It holds back the few
Puts a stop to the many.

You can’t climb that mountain
You can’t cross the sea
You can’t become anything you want to be.

He can’t hit a century
They can’t find a cure.
She can’t think about leaving
or searching for more.

Because can’t is a word with a habit of stopping
The ebb and flow of ideas
It keeps dropping itself where we know
in our hearts it’s not needed
And saying “don’t go”
when we could have succeeded.

But those four little letters
That end with a T
They can change in an instant
When shortened to three.

We can take off the T
We can do it today
We can move forward not back
We can find our own way.

We can build we can run
We can follow the sun
We can push we can pull
We can say I’m someone
Who refuses to believe
That life can’t be better
With the removal of one
Insignificant letter.

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Inspiration

Be INspired…..Provide INspiration
Gain Certainty and Clarity In Ones LIFE
Create Your Dream Lifestyle

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James Michael Sama

Relationship Coach | Relationship Consultant | Confidence Coach

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