Posts Tagged coach
Scenario posted on Facebook today – “I cheated on my wife! It was just a way out to get out of the mundane life we’d created. I love her, but I don’t love the life we’ve had. I want to ‘start again’, but she’s too bruised to even think about being with me. How can I make her understand it from my side?”
Others responses included alot of finger pointing, judgement and harsh comments…
First we must appreciate that people go against their values to fill their needs. This is not about trust, wedding vows, broken promises nor ‘cheating’…whatever that is exactly. This is about a person not having their needs met and most likely in this scenario both parties are not having their needs met. As human beings we operate from 6 basic needs first and foremost…then on top of that we have our values, based on our rules we have set for ourselves which is based on our environment, core beliefs of self etc then not to mention our hierarchy of needs. Which without any of our needs being met, we seek it out in order to meet it. So if he was lacking connection/love as a need and even though as a value he is committed to his wife, his need comes first…so then say he’s out, gets a little ongoing attention from a lady (maybe he doesn’t get at home anymore) and ‘BAM’ he goes into fill my need mode…Does he feel good about it? Hell NO, he has gone against his values which are made up of his rules….a constant battle, though his human need has been fulfilled (for now). Now, I am not suggesting this is his way to cop out, though as people we are completely responsible for the choices we make, both parties are responsible for the way they BE in each others company…be it mundane…maybe and quite possibly she has filled any of her unmet needs another way – we don’t get to hear that side. In an ideal world, we are all enlightened and needs do not exist…though we are human and this is a looooong way off. I am in no way suggesting this is easy though we must appreciate that there are always two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle is the truth! Don’t be so quick to judge – judgement comes from your own rules which make up your own values…As Nicole suggests he must find peace so he can operate from love….see what happens!! Maybe this is the wake up call their mundane life needed!!!
Paving your own path for human beings is so damn hard as we are use to functioning as a group. All of our basic animal survival instincts lead us to believe that following the pack is the best thing to do. Throw into the mix years and years of conditioning from leaders, spiritual teachers and low and behold the education system – it is quite astonishing today that anyone actually thinks for themselves.
Still; we have successful people, you know the ones that STAND OUT (sometimes referred to as the ‘black sheep’ – where you?) – clearly these people got there alone, without the need to be surrounded by the group.
Whether you are going for a high achievement of any sort, this could include financial, relationship fulfillment, education, sporting or even to develop a high spiritual awareness – chances are we will have to BE different to who we have been previously. This may mean being somewhat counter intuitive and certainly will mean doing things in the non conventional way and somewhat defying the so called ‘wisdom’ of our peers. Some call it – Going against the ‘norm’…
The most challenging part of your journey will be the beginning, you will soon realise you are being different and unique (so will others). And all the ‘norms’ out there question you, look at you funny, may judge you and they will certainly challenge your decisions and actions. The new you may not be in line with who they know you to be and their expectation of you may not then be met. Values shift – e.g. you meet a person you want to have a relationship with after being ‘single’ for years, you may find your friend group not necessarily understanding why all of a sudden your priorities have shifted, their expectations of you are one way and you show up another way…OR maybe you have decided to drop your highly paid career and travel the world, your peers will struggle with this ‘obscure’ behaviour. You can help them adapt to the new you… 🙂
It is here and now why it is imperative to seek out role models; they may be in the form of a coach, mentor or new peers — this will naturally occur as you stretch yourself. There is a philosophy I love, like attracts like, it’s simple though profound if you really think about it. So consider who it is you want to be like? We become like the people we spend our time with. Whether you desire to build a great business, go it alone in any way shape or form – be prepared for your closest friends to not share in your enthusiasm, especially if they are very much engrained in the ‘norm’.
Dont be alarmed though as this does not mean you will loose all of your friends – you may loose some, this does then create a space – (called The Law of Displacement ) for new friends to come in, friends more like the ‘new ‘ you. Evolving does mean you see things from a different perspective, it is easier and clearer for you when you are surrounded by peers moving forward in a similar direction, it is great to seek out those further down the path from you, as they tend to keep you going with forward movement, keeping always one step ahead of the herd.