RelationSHIPS sink by the holes that were there in the very beginning!

My experience certainly has been this, by not being true to myself at the beginning of a relationship and honestly operating from a scarcity mindset (have to have him…because what if he’s the ‘ONE’ and what if, no one else comes along – crazy right??)

The concept of ‘The One’ is not special, it is a belief coming from scarcity!

I lived with fear in my early 20’s and did not listen to my inner voice, nor did I communicate what it was I wanted and needed from a relationship. I was not being authentic, did I really think I could be inauthentic for the rest of my life…well YES, could I…NO…of course! Eventually I caved and sabbotaged my relationship. Always be authentic and genuine, if your date and/or partner has a problem with your true self then they are not meant to be with you – END OF STORY. Only be with a person who wants to be with you as you… 

When you very first date, discuss your dealbreakers, relationSHIPS sink by the holes that were there in the very beginning! Discuss yours and disclose your dealbreakers from the very start when you have the least to loose!! Children, religion, lifestyles choices are ALL dealbreakers…know yours and be true to them!

One dealbreaker for a man must be, she loves me for who I am now and not the man I can possibly be and for women one dealbreaker must be that he loves your body just the way it is….

Be true to yourself and live abundantly, have a knowing that the universe provides enough of everything for everyone, dating with a scarcity mindset and settling for whoever takes interest will always end up being sabbotaged – be it unhappiness, divorce, lonlieness….choose abundance, authenticity and integrity.

Then you too will have this….
Photo by Bob Davis.

With much GRATITUDE…

  1. #1 by Melissa Lovell on August 15, 2011 - 2:12 pm

    Hi Kara, I wholeheartedly align with the sentiment of your blog post – it’s fantastic! There is no relationship if it is built upon non-truth, even if it is built upon unknown untruths.
    But I really get stuck on your deal-breaker line.

    Firstly, i hope it’s okay that I share my perspective on this, and I trust that it is because I know you’ll understand that this is just me sharing my perspective, and I in no way intend to detract from your insightful post.

    The bit that I’m stuck on and would love some discussion about is that “one dealbreaker must be that he loves your body just the way it is….” Now the reason that I find this sentence contrasts with my beliefs around relationships , is because: If a man genuinely doesn’t feel is completely and utterly loves a woman’s body (just for example), that should not detract from the relationship. i believe that his “stuff” around his feelings towards her body is just that HIS stuff… and as long as he does not project his stuff onto her, or expect her to change herself to suit him.. there is no deal-breaker. There are just two people living with each other – being completely honest and loving towards each other and dealing with their own stuff whilst being themselves.

    If I began a relationship with a man who I adored, and who felt the same way about me, but was able to tell me that he had some ‘stuff’ triggered about what my body looks like (and was also able to expect to tell me this without expecting me to take it on as my own stuff), then I would be exceptionally honoured to have him share that part of himself with me (and in all practicality he would probably hold some shame around the fact that he was being judgemental about the issue).

    Can you see where I’m coming from on this?

    I guess my conflict isn’t so much with the concept of having “deal breakers”, so much as the example written (now that i’ve talked it though here).

    Going my my own experience, and looking at my words here, I guess my deal breaker is that he must be able to allow me to be my full self, without the need to interfere… or more so, interfere without first seeking permission. haha I’ve come a full circle on my comment… thanks for giving me something to think about here, and a space to talk it through as well :o)

    I must get on and read more of your blog Kara – the posts I’ve read so far have all been beautifully thought provoking. Thanks for being you! xx

    Love and joy to you, gorgeous woman!

  2. #2 by Melissa Lovell on August 15, 2011 - 2:18 pm

    oops, i should have checked my comment for grammatical errors and typos! Some of it is a bit hard to understand!

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James Michael Sama

Relationship Coach | Relationship Consultant | Confidence Coach

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